Loving boundaries between a father and daughter- three part series- part 3
88Clear cut boundary
There are clear cut and dry boundaries between a father and daughter that should never be crossed. I am sorry to even have to mention these but I will be clear and simple: Any inappropriate sexual touching done on the part of the parent or allowing an innocent child to touch you without stopping them and telling them that it is inappropriate, watching or showing or being a part of any pornography around a child.
Grey area bounderies
What are the grey areas of boundaries and age appropriate boundaries...?
A fathers showering and bathing with his daughter
Obviously until a child reaches 5 years old or even 6 years old she is not going to know much about being embarrassed by nudity or daddy being nude. She may ask her father a question or two about his private parts or daddy what is that thing hanging between your legs, and a father should tell his daughter in proper terms or by the proper terminology not slang. This is a learning experience so teach your daughter proper names for body parts.
If she asks to touch or reaches to pull and most children will …… You simply say that these are dad’s privates and it is only for daddy to touch not you. (Say no more, none needed )
How do you know when the showering and bathing needs to stop?
When a father feels uncomfortable with taking a bath or shower with his daughter or, when his daughter starts to feel uncomfortable with him it should stop! This typically will happen anywhere in-between the age of 7-10 years old.
If a girl is going through puberty at a young age (no more showers or baths)
Washing daughter’s private parts:
When a girl can begin to wash her own private area ask her to do it herself, that goes for applying creams and such, 5 year old girls are capable of doing this maybe even younger, use your judgment or if she is still young and if having problems help her. (Just a side note, never put soap in a female private area it burns, just on the outside never on the inside)
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Affection between a father and daughter
Hugging, kissing, and pinching the butt: Hug your daughter always her whole life if you want, kiss your daughters cheeks, forehead her whole life if you want to. Lips maybe when they are very young but not as they get older. Don’t pinch your daughter’s tush (butt), maybe as a small child.
Lastly children do not understand the same as adults that their private parts are sexual, and it is in the nature of children to want to touch their private parts in front of parents, or for them to want to touch yours. If a little girl wants to touch herself, it is just her body part, so do make her feel bad about it, just tell her that she needs to go to her room and do that by herself and not to do it in front of other people. Don’t yell at her or scold her or tell her in any way that she is dirty it will have a lasting effect on her; just tell her to leave the room. When a child touches their private area it means the same to them as a good scratch on the back or arm, it just feels good to them so they do it (human nature).
Children will naturally want to touch parents in their privates, tell them no nicely and say it is your privates and not for them to touch yours or anyone elses for that matter, if they try to kiss you like they see in the movies again explain that it is not appropriate. We are the adults they are children we know better, they are innocent, keep them that way!
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Teenage girls
For teenage girls as they grow older and go through menstruation and such, If you are a single dad, try and do the best at getting good books and reading it together or having her ask you questions if she wants to. She most likely will be embarrassed, so if you have a good female friend ask her to help or an aunt, grandma. If you are married you can leave this one up to your wife.
Fathers do take the time to sit with your daughter and talk about boys and let your daughter know how they should be treated and how they should treat them. Be open to your daughter asking questions about boys if she will talk about it with you. Be honest with her all let her know what boys think, make sure she is properly prepared.
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My dad and me
This article is for all of the wonderful fathers out there that are being great role models to their daughters, good fathers, single dads, married fathers, step-parenting, grandparents………this is a guide for you, so that you can be the best father to your daughter. She will appreciate this when she is older, I can personally guarantee it.
May father who passed away over a year ago was the first man that I loved and he made it possible for me to marry a wonderful man who loves and respects me just as he did. So for all of you hard working dad’s I just want to say that you are so important in your daughter’s life and keep up the good work it is will worth every minute of it!
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There are clear cut and dry boundaries between a father and daughter that should never be crossed. I am sorry to even have to mention these but I will be clear and simple: Any inappropriate sexual touching done on the part of the parent or allowing... - 19 months ago
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When a woman grows up with a healthy loving relationship with her father or a man that is her father figure it can greatly dictate the man that she chooses to spend her life with. When a woman can have the gift of a wonderful loving relationship... - 19 months ago
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Very useful guide, especially for dad's who need some guidance. Thank you!
thank-you again ahorseback you are so kind to say that. Yes I believe that he does watch over me
thank-you amberrisme for reading and commenting on my hub!!
Many good dads among the stars up there watching their little girls down here... Thanks for sharing dawnM :)
I don't think a father should not shower of bathe with a daughter at all! It the dad has any issues, this could lead to problems.
Hi CrazyGata thanks for saying that and reading my hub!
Hi 2bsure, not sure exactly what you were getting at, but If I do understand what you are saying, a person who feels this way about children maybe should not have them, if they feel like they cant be safe around them, if that what you were saying?
Awesome Hub, nicely put. There are fine lines between fathers and daughters and you have made it very clear of when not to cross that line. Being a good father is so important to the well being of a healthy happy daughter.
Beautiful hub. filled me with sadness for your profound lose. Lots of great advice for father and daughter relationships.. Keep writing, you have been given a gift of communicating some of lifes most important issues.
Hi sweetsuesig, thank-you for your comment and yes i do hope to help give dads guidance, because a girl needs a good role model to grow up with.
thanks Carole (mom) yes as you know lossing dad has been hard on all of us, but he lives on in my writing and in the beautiful family that you and he created, with all the grandchildren and the wonderful memories that we all have had over the years......
Great hub. Great advice. Glad you had a great father - daughter relationship to duplicate and build on...
yes great thanks a lot
Thanks dallas, yes I was blessed with that and thankyou for the comment.
Wow, this article was really great! I read it with my husband, and we agreed on pretty much all of it. We want to raise our future children in a very information rich, honest environment. I was heavily sheltered as a child, and learned a lot about the world when I got married. I mean, my husband had to teach me how to drive!
He grew up in South Korea, and we are thinking of moving to Japan in a few years. As you probably know, the culture of communal bathing is still very alive there.
I think that;s the only thing we will be doing differently. Family baths will be like dinnertime for us. A chance to unwind, and talk about each other's day.
I don't know if you've ever seen the movie Totoro?
(My Neighbor Totoro)It's animated.
There is a scene where the father and his two daughters are taking a bath together. His daughters are 4 and 8 respectively.
They use this time to tell him how they are scared of the dustbunnies in the house, and that they're afraid that the wind is going to make the house fall down. (It's a very old house.) He uses this moment to cheer them up by splashing around, and laughing, saying, "C'mon! You have to laugh really hard if you want to scare the dustbunnies away!"
They start to fake laugh, and it soon becomes real laughter as they are splashing around. The dustbunnies can be seen escaping into the night.
I just thought that this was a perfect example of how bathtime should be with Mom or Dad.
I first saw that movie when I was 6 or 7, and have been in love with the idea of communal bathing ever since! ^_^
Again, fantastic Hub! :D
Hi Purposefull life, thank-you for the wonderful comment. I can see how the communal bathing could be a great time for dads and kids. It sounds like a nice custom, although quite different from a bath in a bathroom and we are talking about kids. Just wondering when the girls hit puberty what happens, just curious. I love to hear about others customs it is wonderful! Fathers spending time with their daughter is precious and something the girls will remember for a life time.
Really well written detailed advice.
Informative hub, and I like your writing style; especially your short comments after a sentence such as (human nature). You did a good job of highlighting how beautiful a healthy father - daughter relationship can be; and how terribly wrong it can become. You addressed the "gray areas" and some difficult issues nicely. Mostly, what an amazing tribute to your Dad. Sorry for your loss....and happy he is still with you in so many ways, dawn!
Thank-you Kim for the comment that was very kind of you. This was a very personal series that I put out from my heart and a tribute to my father!
You had a number of good points and your three rules at the start were great. I will however take exception with the bathing together/nudity thing. You were definitely stretching it there. I am a father of two grown daughters and there is no way in our society with television and movies that you can find innocence that last that long. Additionally I can hear the authorities knocking at the door once it got out and a school conselor alerts the powers that be that their 1st or 2nd grade student is showering with her father.
I could go further but it would take a loooong time to cover this topic.
How sad we are, that we actually would consider communal bathing as a time for a family to come together. This just shows how men want to see any female ude anytime and they brainwash women into believing this is the kay thing to do. Then you read articles where women are egging this on . This shows how stupid we as women are that we would condone this for men to do. We know that this is wrong for our daughters. It is sick and wrong.
Very useful guidance about relationships especially between fathers and daughters.There are fine lines highlighting how beautiful a healthy father - daughter relationship should be.Good effort....
Sometimes I think we spend too much time on trying to promote daughter-father relationships.We really need to stop it. It is kinda weird and sick. What a girl needs is a loving mother AND father. What a boy needs is a loving father AND mother. Stop making it seem like a girl only needs a close relationship with dad. If we would spend at least half of the time teaching boys and men how to treat a woman, then our girls wouldn't need to be boosted all the time. Spend the time training boys !!!! Does anyone else understand this concept or are all of you brainwashed into beliveing a man controls everything in a girl's life? We are a sick nation with sick male dominance ideas.
positive informative plus excellent for making a good society and develop a future generation
I guess you could call my daughter a late bloomer, we showered together until she was 14 and started seeing other people.
Pamela M- CAN you REALLY spend enough time promoting father/daughter relationships?! i believe that any child growing up needs the care and love from both parents. to say, promoting a daughter/father relationship is "kinda weird and sick" and we need to "stop it" is absurd. the article is called "loving boundaries between a father and daughter", not creating a world in which men dominate the outcome of their daughters life. You said, "If we would spend at least half of the time teaching boys and men how to treat a woman, then our girls wouldn't need to be boosted all the time." Isn't that the absolute opposite of your initial statement of spending too much time promoting daughter-father relationships?
Try re-evaluating you're stance on this issue and stick to it. I think we all are sick of a nation with male dominance. Thankfully this is beginning to change. How you can see anything negative about forming a healthy father-daughter relationship and bond, is really beyond me.
-this is coming from a male point of view so i hope you're not letting me try and brainwash you.
Robert, did you or did you not read my comment? Again, I say that we need to get dads to spend time with his son and teach him how to be a gentleman. The man should also spend more time with his wife. Why do we stress so much for the man to hang around with his daughter? Sounds a little one-dided to me. Also, Robert you don't have to worry, someof us women are strong and don't allow this male dominance thing to brainwash us. We recognize this subtle movement among some men to throw mom's importance with her daughter to make it seem like dad is the only parent in a daughter's life. Our eyes are open. Men do not have the right to control his daughter. she is not his property. Remember the mom is the one who conceived, carried and gave birth to the daughter. Don't throw away mom. It is wrong in so many ways. Wake up women of the world and see what is going on. Watch your husband, grandfather, uncles, etc, as they interacts with your daughters and nieces.
Pam, you are clueless and paranoid--you should see someone. That's quite a rant you managed to squeeze out of this article.
Pam, I think you have a sick ass mind, I am a single Father with a teenage daughter, she turns 14 this month, I have always had a super close bond with my daughter, One thing I don't agree with in the article is showering or bathing with your daughter until she's 8 or 10 years old, when my daughter was a BABY it was fun to get in the tub with her, And anyone you said to me that there was anything sexual to that would get a hot slap right across the face, because there wasn't anything sexual about it, now you saying that we shouldn't try and have father daughter tight bonds is total crap, And the way that you say something about a man in the tub with his small child is proof that a man just wants to see any naked woman at anytime is just god damn sick to me, You need help. And if you truly think that way I'd like to ask you what the hell kind of sick ass father did you have? oh and by the way, when my sons were baby's I threw them in the tub with me too, hell their mother would come and watch and it was fun for the whole family, watching the baby bouncing around in the water, anyway your sick comment doesn't even deserve this much outta me, but you piss me off.
ahorseback Level 7 Commenter 19 months ago
All great advice my dear lady, I'm so sorry about your "dad" , In a perfect word we would all stay together till the ends of time , and you know that he watches over you like he always has and always will. You got this dads vote!