Screaming and swearing at your wife will destroy the marriage for husband and wife
84Screaming and swearing
When did it become acceptable to scream and swear at your spouse, this is one of the worst forms of communications that take place in a marriage?
When couples resort to screaming, yelling and swearing at each other the respect and the foundation of the marriage will deteriorate. A spouse under no circumstance has the right to treat the other person in that manner. The end result of this type of communication is that the person who is being screamed at will eventually become numb to their spouse and all of the love, affection and respect that they once had for them will vanish. When two people who care about one another disrespect each other in this way than neither persons point will be taken to heart and there will be no resolution to the problem.
Being a bully
Screaming and swearing is a part of being a bully and trying to dominate and control the other person in the marriage. The person doing the screaming may think that they have gotten the other person to change or agree with them but the truth is that they just bullied the other spouse and forced them into a corner. No one likes to be screamed at or called names; the person who uses this type of communication usually has low self esteem and a lack of proper communication skills.
- Changing your spouses behavior will not work you must start with your own to save your marriage
When there is a problem in the marriage and it is causing the marriage to fail, one or both of the spouses will often look to the other spouse to change in the situation. The most important lesson that we can...
Stop taking the abuse
If your spouse treats you in this manner then you must put a stop to it, this is unacceptable behavior and must not be tolerated.
The screaming may seam to typically be a man at a woman, but the truth is that there are many wives that also bully their husbands.
How do we change a marriage in which a spouse screams, calls name and puts you down? The answer is you walk away from them, you leave the house, you pack your bags and you go. Unless you change the way in which you respond to them they will continue to bully you. You have to stand up for yourself and not allow this to happen. Many times a spouse will justify this behavior and say that the person can’t control or it or that they have a short temper, or other excuses that they can think of. The truth is that most people can control their temper, but they choose not to because you have allowed them to get away with the bad behavior.
One way to prove this scenario that they do indeed have control is: Ask yourself these questions, do they fly off the handle at work? Do they act this way around friends? Do they act this way in public? Have you seen them control their temper? If you answered yes to any of these questions then the spouse that is bullying you can control their temper they are just choosing not to around you.
If your spouse truly can’t control their temper then, you need to leave and stay with someone safe, that is a person who has allowed themselves to be out of control and may become violent, this is more prevalent in a spouse that gets angered after drinking or is taking drugs. Most people are able to control themselves if expected to.
The majority of bulling from a spouse though can be controlled and if you want the name calling and yelling to stop then you must do something dramatic to let them know that you are serious and you have had enough. Living in a marriage with a spouse that yells at you and calls you name is not normal and can be very damaging to yourself esteem and to raising children in that type of environment. Tell your spouse calmly and directly that you will leave the next time that they behave in this manner and put an end to it now, but make sure that you do leave!
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Hi Puts Ballard, thank-you for your comment and yes so true about once spoken you cant take back, its better to just keep to your self in the heat of the moment....lol
I have always been amazed at finding out who , among the people we know, are like this, It's also an instant turn off to relating to these people as friends or whatever, for me. Such passive abuse. great hub.
"Do they fly off the handle at work? Do they act this way around friends? Do they act this way in public?" Very excellent questions. Really puts it in perspective. Awesome hub. Bravo!
"the respect and the foundation of the marriage will deteriorate"
Great read. I think respect is a big key.
ahorseback, yes true, sometimesyou can tell though! thank-you for visiting my hub
Hi Benjimester, thak-you for your comments and I enjoy reading your hubs too!
Hi Daddy Paul yes respect is the foundation that is true with any relationship!
Great Dawn. This one really hits home and getting it under control is so important. great hub keep it up
I love your new hub page, Its really an eye opener. You are invited to visit my new hub: Ladies, stop it! Oh I have to ask you about this one! I linked the word shouting on my page to your new hub page? They are a bit
similar for the subjects, except mine is just as an amateur and yours as a professional. (a big difference)
If you have any objections to this let me know. My e-mail
is rudycote@gmail. If you want it removed just let me know, and I will remove it right away.
All the best, rodolphe
thanks Carole (mom) for the comment....lol
Hi rodolphe, thank-you for the comment and I will have to read yours as I have commented on one of your hubs before, I love the honesty in your writing and of course you can link me. All the best!
I love the points you've brought up. There are better ways to communicate without yelling or becoming verbally abusive.
I always think anyone can be a bully - it takes more of a person to actually work at being polite and kind - no matter HOW many years you have been together! Great article, Dawn!
Hi happyher thank-you for the comment and visiting my hub!
Hi akirchner, thank-you for your comment!
Hilarious! Aren't rows usually between two people? Or in your household does one person stand still and suffer while the other lets out?
And how do you get these great photos? Are they courtesy of your neighbours? Who is the little boy with his hands over his ears? Has he been told that he's helping to save marriages?
Loved this one again and I agree you don't get anywhere by screaming and shouting abuse at each other.
I saw this relationship growing up and experienced it some myself and often wondered how people "just leave". If it's not physical abuse, sadly, it is tolerable because your life really isn't in immediate danger. Women who are bullied and burdened by these types of men usually don't have money or means to leave. I see this scenario so often. How do people just leave with kids and no money, sometimes no job, and nowhere else to go? How do they stick up for themselves when it's apparent they have no bargaining power?
Thank-you for your commentPuebloman and Eiddwen!
Izettl, the one thing that a bully does is he breaks down your self esteem and self worth and makes you feel like you have nowhere to turn. the truth is that you have to pick you and your kids up and go to a woman’s shelter and tell him that you are staying there until he gets help, there is always something that you can do, you have to believe that you can do it, or if you have a place to go where is cant get to or you are safe, friends, parents, church. You have to look at this from a point that he is so insecure that he is bulling you; you need to take back the power and not be a victim. Do you really want the kids to grow up in this atmosphere?
yes, I agree with you. My husband was like this, but was then diagnosed with major depressive disorder so he takes medication for it. Sometimes they switch meds he is on and that process brings a lot of the past out of him until the new med kicks in. This is also something that people need to know- sometimes it's not shared blame, espcially if it's a mental illness. Many women get blamed for men' anger or bullying behavior. Men will say "YOU make me mad", blaming the wife. THank you for these hubs, I refer to them often.
Hi izettl, yes mental illness can be a problem, but there are meds for that and my saying is still, he should get help and take the proper medication so that he is not putting his family through that emotional wave. Mental illness, can be managed. I have worked with many peole that have bipolar personality and when they take care of themselves with medication, theray, exercise, good nutrition, they can lead a fairly normal life, but many of them instead of getting help decide to self medicate with drugs and booze, and that is just not acceptable, when there is a family involved!
Words stab like knives to the heart, except deeper than any knife can go. Your advice is "bang on," right on! I've been in this place, and had to leave and the scars last a lifetime when it happens to you. Trust is a long time earned and a short time lost. Thank you for your insight, and excellent advice! No one Can make anyone else do anything they don't want or choose to do. The,"You made me excuse," is no better than the grade school playground when the bully pulls the girls hair and when he gets caught his only excuse is, "she made me do it." And, as you say, the roles can be reversed too! I worked in child support for one year and couldn't stand it one more day because of this. I felt like the kids stuck in the middle would be better off if they were orphans - that's when I knew I had to leave. I wish I could give you 2 thumbs up!
Hi mwatkins, thank-you for the great comment so true what you said about trust being earned, and being a bully, that is always the sign of a truly weak person!
My husband of only 6 months has a really bad habit of this. He works out of town alot, for weeks at a time. So he does this to me over the phone. What is a good way for me to handle that?
Wow, this is our relationship. Just leave you say. I have said I would and he says to go ahead. I don't think he would really care. Then he could live and do anything he wanted more so than he does now. Our world revolves around him.
He is a bully and I have said so to him. He is narcissistic from what I have read.
Any communication we have ends up being a yelling match and so I just stop. When he wants to talk it is me listening to him. If I talk he disagrees with all of what I say, so when I tell him I do not want to talk he get angry. We cannot make progress.
We went to a marriage counselor once. What a joke. My husband did all the talking!! We argued all the way home.
He does act like his in public sometimes and then I am really embarrassed! Embarrassed that others think he is like that and I put up with it! He will yell in the phone at me from work where all co-workers can hear.
Help!
Thanks in advance.
Great reading all the comment, right on the mark, am in this position and been married for close to eight years now and nothing seems to change, ave been blamed for his shoutings, but funny it starter right after our honey moon, wish i had seen this part of him while we were dating, he leaves me with no money, and the kids and I solely depend on him, makes it almost impossible for me to keep a job, am leaving this year and just trying to save up all i can , i agree with JM1, u know everytime he says we should talk, he is actually saying, u keep quiet while i talk, everything i say makes no sense, i wish i had realized what i was getting myself into.its a horrible relationship to be in.
I am this person at times; this is not due to my having low self-esteem, it is due to my wife not desiring to treat her substance abuse problem and the underlying stem of that condition which is low self-esteem and depression.
It is not my intent to lead her or control her, but it is an attempt to save her from herself.
I do realize that once the voices raise the ears close and so even if this happens, I later come back to her to try again to get her to seek help, this has been going on now for three plus years, with her in and out of rehabs.
There is no easy answer here and if I have offended her or anyone else by my admission I am sorry and I nam trying to hold our family together (have a 17 yr. old daughter) I know I cant make her change, but it is pure hell watching her kill herself and our family by being so resistant.
I am not letting go as of yet, but we both need help and I am searching here as well as through my church, family and friends and yes we have been to counseling, but she can't seem to be honest about her using unless prompted and hen I try to love her, I find her high and unaware and incapable of responding to my attempts at affection.
I realize this is one sided and I know I play a major role here as husband and father, so I am looking for advice if any can be found.
I understand what this is like because I have someone who abuses me for so long. Its hard because when you live in silence for so long you are emotional and all you want to do is cry and stick up for yourself. The moment you reach for air and say anything they hurt you with their words or actions and all you do is become someone who just wants to speak up.
Battered women are often blamed for fighting back, swearing or crying for help. But it is emotionally abusive of their husbands to put them in that position. They become someone else and all they have are their voices and even that is strangled.
Two wrongs dont make a right.
TO NOTURNINGBACK: I feel for you and I understand what it is like to be with someone with a substance abuse problem. It is very hard watching them hurt themselves and you in the process and any chances of a future together. It is a silent death and I hope you find a way to get yourself through it.
Its not always the man at fault, some women are very calculating individuals that treat there husbands like puppets, especially when kids are involved . I believe more education needs to happen way before any marriage certificate is handed out . 42percent of marriages now end in divorce all because we don't have the resources to educate both men and women prior to marriage . The kids then witness this behaviour by both parents and it becomes a big circle. I believe in 20 years time marriagge will be a thing that is frowned upon in society
Putz Ballard 21 months ago
A wise man once told me he gets the last word when arguing with his wife, "Yes Ma'am" Words can't be taken back and once spoken and will return to haunt Great hub.